I Had

I have to pick up the broken pieces of my heart you chewed.
I had to pick up the broken pieces of the glass that I threw.

I have to watch the time pass as quickly as I am waiting.
I had to watch the time pass as slowly as I was fading.

I have to grow out of you; it hurts you ’cause it’s true.
I had to grow; it freed me from loving me, not you.

How the Loner Becomes the Socialite

When I love and it is unreturned
or when I leap and get burned,
I transform into the loner.
I internalize things so I don’t hurt
anyone else around me due to
my mental state but I keep myself happy
eating comfort foods and partaking in my hobbies.

When I’m sad, I eat lots of chocolate (cookies and candy)
and anything with cheese (pizza and pasta).
I like to listen and write to R&B songs.
When I’m mad, I’ll rap, dance, or hit the gym.
I dance to Hip-Hop, Reggaeton, Bachata, and Merengue.

I’ve written my feelings in letters
to people in poems, songs, quotes and texts.
If I’ve tried to keep them in my life,they've definitely gotten one or more of those.
I distracted myself taking pictures of nature or relatives.
I learned from the elderly and youth
when I asked questions and they answered them.

How to Treat Caring People

Like a child, I suffered from separation anxiety.
Now that I have a better understanding of it,
when I walk away from children and the elderly,
who are happy to see me, but feel sad when I leave,
I say, “Don’t forget me, I won’t forget you.”
Sometimes I think couples and friends
should exchange those words, too.
The world would be a better place
but I forget that so many people
are used to holding grudges
and not knowing how to swallow their pride.
It's like no one taught them that sometimes
people don't mean to intentionally hurt others.
Also, did anyone teach anyone to forgive?

No one told me or reassured me by saying,
"It's going to be okay," or "You're going to be okay,"
when someone I knew moved or worse, passed away.
I equated moving as death like never seeing their face.
I had family, friends, boyfriends not explain they'd be back.
They disappeared for years and I felt so guilty.
I blamed myself as if I had done something wrong
and that’s why from time to time,
I have to hide away and let go of these tears.
The more I’ve let my guard down,
the more the men in my life refused to see or hear
how I suffered; their behavior re-opened old wounds.
It happened when someone would say nice things,
but then all of a sudden act like they didn't want me near.