I Feel...

In my dream, I sensed that I was being stalked, and I was. My "best" friend kept following me (as she did in social media) and wanted to know why I wasn't speaking to her. I was angry and about to tell her, "You..." I changed my mind and said, "I feel extremely sad when I would text you and I wouldn't get a response back." She said, "I have important things to get to." I said, "Yes, I understand that but you also had time to go on Instagram." She stayed quiet.

Insecurities

A song just came on that reminded me of a friendship that I had, where I was taken for granted. We met working in a movie theater when I was 19 years old, but she was so focused on her boyfriend, that she made no time for me. She even told me that she showed him a picture of me and he said that I was hot. Why would you show him a picture of me in the first place and why would you accept that kind of response? She could've agreed and said, "Yes," or been like, "That's disrespectful for you to say." I don't think she said any of that because she was insecure.

We were on and off friends because I refused to accept the bare minimum from her but I loved and missed her so I would run back to her. I made poor decisions in who I considered my friend because of my own insecurities. I remember she was bartending and she confessed to me that she hangs out with women who are bigger than her in shape to make herself feel better about herself. I took it as a diss because I was thin back then and figured she would cut me loose because I didn't meet her standards. I obviously made her feel worse about herself.

Baruch

I dreamt I was telling my dad that I was applying to Baruch College. He asked me what I would study for my master's degree and I told him I could do business administration in management or mental health counseling.

I just remembered that and thought of applying to the college. I'm just having trouble finding people to recommend me because I have burned so many bridges. It wasn't just me, either. I had supervisors stop talking to me because I was "problematic" aka stood up for myself. I know people who would give me recommendations, but I'm tired of asking them to, you know?