Letter To My Ex (Unsent)

I dreamt
of you again.

I miss you.

I wish I could

talk to you

everyday

about my life

and what has

been happening.

You're not here

and you won't

ever be.

I have to
accept that,

unfortunately.

I could be OPEN and HONEST with you.
I don't feel that way in my relationship.
I feel like I have to keep things to myself
for fear that he would know the real me
and not be able to accept me or love me
because I don't think you could do that.
I feel like I have to hide who I was;
the failure in school or work, the bipolar
disorder chick, the sad, angry, jealous
and insecure girl I had been in our relationship.

OoOh what a release it feels to be able to let this out.

I thought that the old me had died and changed,

but sometimes she comes back and makes a guest appearance.

I dreamt of you again.

I couldn't accept a job offer in the company my bf works in.

Although it is the ideal 9-5 job I need,

I didn't work so hard in college to work

at a place that has nothing to do with my major.

I didn't think it would bring us closer.

I was afraid it would tear us apart.

I didn't want to feel pressured to talk to anyone.

I didn't want to feel pressured to make friends.

I didn't want to feel pressured to outperform.

I didn't want to feel pressured to like it.

I didn't want to feel pressured to stay.

I didn't want to endure back pain

just to prove to him I am the one.