The Only Constant by Najwa Zebian

Chapter 1:

I learned that not standing up for myself is a form of self-abandonment. So, when I let people say what they wanted to say about me or to me, I was making myself feel less than. It's like I was tossing myself in the corner like a ragdoll. Like whatever. I want to have some prompts to have ready for when the situation presents itself:

"Please don't speak to me like that."

"Please don't insult me like that."

"Please don't raise your voice at me."

Najwa Zebian mentioned about having a father or father figure, who validated you, because you did well in school; based on your achievements. Then trying to seek that same validation from others. When we don't get it, we try to change the person to fit that mold. I remember getting money from my dad as a way he showed his love. So, sometimes I go out of my way to spend a lot of money or give people money in exchange for their love. That way is too easy to get taken advantage of and taken for granted.

When I tell people I'm going back to school or tell those closest to me that I got a new job, and they say or show that they are proud of me, I feel worthy of their love. Otherwise, if I'm not doing anything meaningful with my life, I feel like a loser.